Terrible Fish Devours Rat, Scares Children

DAVENPORT, NORTH CAROLINA-

Evil in the form of terrible fish

A terrible fish was pulled out of the Davenport City sewer system Friday night, officials say.

The fish, a five foot long monstrosity with razor sharp two-inch fangs and glowing yellow eyes was found after a storm drain over-flowed, vomiting the fish out onto the street a mere ten feet from a school.

"I heard yelling from the street and I thought a student had been hit by a car," says Mark Seeley, a science teacher at Oliver North High, "I came running downstairs and found a group of kids standing in a circle."

Suspecting the worst, Seeley pushed his way through the crowd only to find the terrible fish, thrashing about in an inch or so of dirty water, the half eaten remains of a large sewer rat clutched in it's teeth.

"The thing didn't seem to be particularly bothered by the air," says Seeley, "All told it spent almost an hour out of water without any discernible signs of damage. I don't think it's really a fish." He added.

The creature proved to be very aggressive, lunging at the gathered students and making high pitched shrieking noises using what was later confirmed to be a set of primitive vocal chords.

"The students were pretty shaken up. Several were weeping. Some were reciting prayers. One wanted to smash it with a rock but I didn't let them," explains Seeley, "You don't just go smashing unidentified species with rocks. Not on school property anyway. "

Recruiting the help of the school's groundskeeper, Harvey Whiteclit, Seeley managed to catch the fish-like creature in a tarp and place it in a large aquarium in the school's science lab.

"As soon as we placed it in the tank it started bashing the walls with it's spiked tail and trying to bite at the glass," says Seeley.

The student body of Oliver North Highschool harbor mixed feelings about the fish. 

"I had to see that thing with my own eyes, "says Quint Harris, a senior at Oliver North Highschool,  "now that I have, I wish I hadn't. Why would a caring God create something like this?"

"I don't like the idea of that thing being in our school," says Debbie Clark, a junior, "There's something evil about it. And it's fins are like little hands. Jesus, I get physically sick just thinking about it."

"This is just another example of the absurd emphasis we place on physical beauty" says Kent Grakner senior and Captain of the school LARP team. "If that fish had big blue eyes,  creamy skin and a well proportioned dorsal muscle we'd all be cooing at it. This superficiality just makes me sick. I'm tired of it."

Grakner is widely regarded as one of the ugliest students at Oliver North Highschool.

The terrible fish is currently being kept at Oliver North Highschool with plans of transferring it to the marine bio-diversity lab at Duke University later this week.

As of this writing, its species has yet to be identified.